More than we realize…HOW we instruct our children impacts their compliance. We usually set ourselves up for frustration without realizing it. Listen to and consider the words we use… They do….
“I think you should ____________.” This is the way we usually instruct our kids. This it’s not command, its ONLY A SUGGESTION… yet, we’re frustrated when they don’t comply immediately. Their lack of compliance might actually be our fault. We’ve only told them what we think they should do. Are they disobeying when they don’t follow a suggestion? “(insert name,) you need to _____________. Now!” Call them by name, tell them what they need to do and give them a time frame to obey. I am finding that this gets a higher percentage of compliance and lowers household frustration (for parents and children). I’ve been learning this the hard way. We should pay attention to the words we use. Let me put it this way: Parent, you need to instruct better and clearer. Now!
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I think the time-frame part is also important. I remember, as a kid, one parent was often more successful with me when they said “do this before _____”; the other parent expected immediate compliance (and, often, frustration) – I think the time-frame element encourages respect from children, because as parents we model a little respect for what they might be doing at that moment. There are still many times where we should expect immediate action – of ourselves and our children.